'INNOCENT' TIMES

It is one of those incidents, which still give me the tickles and the chuckles. Now, as I peep into my little mind, I can vividly remember that incident.

*****Rolling into flashback*****

Year 1994

I was in prep that time. The exams were on and we, the little kids were crumbling under its pressure. That time we had a subject called EVS (environmental studies) and the very next day was its exam. So, all night I was struggling with the names of birds, animals and flowers. What was particularly driving me crazy was the spelling of ‘deer’. No matter how much pains I took, it just wouldn’t stick into my head. I said it aloud 5 times D-E-E-R. I wrote it on paper 10times DEER, lest I confuse it with ‘dear’. Somehow, I managed to put it in my already cluttered mind that the animal’s name is deer and not ‘dear’. Hence, the rest of the night was spent with the chirping of birds, the sounds of animals and the colours of flowers.

Alas! Came the fateful day- The day of the exam. Everyone being as nervous as the other is, and as the time drew nearer the palpitation only increased.

**********Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnngggggggggggggggg******** the bell, now synonymous with the Satan’s voice rang. Now, began the haphazard last minute preparations. With pages flipping faster than lightening, with words pouring out like a hymn learnt verbatim, with last minute queries to last minute answers- all this in just a span of two minutes. As if in that very moment every word had to be saved from some vicious demon before he devoured them all. And not to forget, the hapless teacher trying to break the now established eternal bond between the students and the books.

Finally, after bidding goodbye to our beloved books (which only become beloved during exams), we settled down roll number wise, anxiously waiting for the question paper. Methodically, the teacher started distributing them from one side. I was fidgeting until she came to my desk, eager to take a look at the paper. I gave the paper a cursory look and heaved a sigh of relief. It didn’t seem tough. I started writing the paper and found myself answering the questions as fast as I could, lest anything slip out of my mind.

I was answering all questions comfortably, but then what do I see? This question says,” _______ (deer/dear) is the name of an animal.” “Ok”, I told myself. “I know the answer”, I muttered to myself. The answer is…is…is?????? DEAR! Yes, it is DEAR! No, it is DEER. No, it is DEAR. No it is……..! My mind was buzzing. How could I forget it? I practiced it all night. It is a sin greater than blasphemy! Suddenly, I saw the time and realized that I had wasted my precious ten minutes on this question. I left it blank for the time being, and hurriedly went on completing the rest of the paper.

Just as I was wrapping up my answers, Neha (aka Daddo), the girl sitting beside me, poked me lightly. Quietly, in a hushed voice she asked the answer of a question about thorny plants. The question asked us to name two thorny plants. In those days, Neha wasn’t really my friend, infact she was an enemy. Though, she has grown up, mellowed down and become one of my best friends today, earlier she was a brat and the villain of my life. Thus, I was in no mood to tell her the answer. However, she kept coaxing me so I finally said, "CACTUS”. Oh! But she already knew this one. She insisted again to tell me another. I knew it was ROSE but just the thought of her getting more marks, pulled me back. I kept quiet. Then, she tried to bribe me by saying that I could also ask her something in return. It did sound tempting at that moment but I maintained a stoic silence. After all, I had been taught not to cheat.

But she kept pulling at my shirt and I realized, she wouldn’t let me work till I answered. So, after thinking for a while, I came up with the answer, “CHAMELI!. Yes, Chameli is the other thorny plant". Happily, she wrote the answer and profusely thanked me. Secretly, I smiled to myself, applauding my teeny self for being so smart. Cmon! How could I let her get that one mark?

Then, peacefully I finished my paper. However, as I began to revise, I stumbled on that deer/dear question. In my excitement of getting her answer wrong, I had completely forgotten this question. I began to strain my mind and the more I thought, the more confused I got. Only ten minutes were left and I had to make a choice between the two spellings. I was desperate. The bell could ring anytime.

Then, the bell rang into my mind. I suddenly poked Neha and asked if she knew the answer. (oh! Everything is fair in love, war and exams! ;)) She smiled and said it was D-E-E-R. But, I wasn’t fully convinced. So, I insisted on her again. This time, with full conviction, she said it was DEER and not DEAR. Her father had told her the other day and she was sure. She tried hard to persuade me.

I listened to her and thought for a while. My petty mind thought, if I didn’t tell her the right answer then, why would she? So, I happily wrote D-E-A-R and thanked her. Again, I applauded myself for being such a genius.

:-P

Cancer and beyond

It was 21^st January 2002 when she was confronted with a reality, she did not want to accept. For a moment, her life came to a halt. She thought it was the end. With her translucent eyes, she saw her two little children. This was the day when she was told she had BREAST CANCER. She had never been so scared in her life, for her life. She only wanted God to answer her one question, “Why only me!”

****************

Five years hence, bearing the pain of countless therapies, she knows she is not alone. There are many like her and the number is only increasing. But the government has done little to spread awareness. Since, the most common sign of breast cancer is a new lump, which is painless; many women tend to ignore it. And in a society like ours, where talking about breasts is as much a taboo as sex, who will lead the awareness crusade?

It was then that she decided to take the plunge. So, she along with a friend(also a cancer patient) took upon themselves the onerous task of educating as many people as possible. They started out by informing people at kitty parties. It was tough to make the ladies ignore tambola and food, and make them listen to a lecture! However, they never gave up. For them, even if one woman gets motivated out of thirty, it’s a great achievement. As she says, “This is just the beginning.”

(to be contd)

Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

CP, New Delhi
January 21,2008

"A Kashmiri Muslim is always suspected of being a terrorist”, bemoans a middle aged man with whitish complexion. This 35-year-old man alongwith his parents and brother, once lived in a huge house in Kashmir. Aijaz Ahmed Khan, is one those hundreds of thousands of people whose homes were burnt to ashes. From living in a plush 12-room house to living in a one room flat with five people, the transition has not been smooth. However, he had to come to Delhi to earn his livelihood. He came in 1992 and since then has been working as a guide. Although, he has been working in Delhi for the past 15 years, he is still looked down by the people as ‘someone who does not belong to India’.

Being a Kashmiri is tough but being a Kashmiri Muslim is tougher. The police keeps harassing them and they are constantly stopped, checked and questioned. “We pay rs.1000/month to the police for just talking to the tourists and we are always threatened”, says Aijaz. However, life is still better here in Delhi than in Kashmir.There, the soldiers would torture them and force them to confess that they are terrorists. “I was hanged on bamboo stick and beaten. For 3 weeks I could not walk”, laments the distraught migrant. He alleges that the Indian government and the army have created more problems for them than the militants. Inside him, there is hatred not for the militants but for the ministers and the army. He feels that the ministers take away all the money and little is spent on the rehabilitation of those who lost their homes.

However, despite the day-to-day hardships, he still says with a smile, “I love my motherland. Jahan main paida hua, main wahin rehna chahta hu…”

Chidyatapu- Don't miss this one

For a long time, I have been thinking of writing about my trip to Andaman Islands. Somehow, Andaman wasn’t what I had expected. Having heard so much about its beauty, my expectations had risen.
As we reached Port Blair, we were hounded by the hustle and bustle of the city life. There were crowded markets and the city plan seems to have gone haywire. With each blow of smoke, I could see my expectations crumbling. I felt something was amiss. The Andaman that I was seeing was not what I wanted. I yearned for tranquility, a place where I could admire the greatest architect of all times-the almighty. But to my dismay, every place had been infiltrated by mankind. Even the islands weren’t spared. For instance, the Viper Island was occupied with remnants of prison and courtroom. On Ross Island, one could see the remains of a Church, a tennis court, barracks to mention a few.

Then one fine day, we were taken to a place which was around two hours away from the main city. As we cut through the hills with great speed, I could sense the freshness of the air. With wind gushing across my face, I could see the green hills with isolated homes-some kucha, some pakka-nevertheless accentuating the beauty of the place. The slender curves of the road, coupled with the greenery of the place, made it a memorable ride.
Finally, the wonderful journey ended and our cab came to a halt. I was somewhat disappointed. I wished the journey could be just a little longer. But now looking at the vast emptiness of the place with trees half uprooted, with large rocks floating on the blue sea, I thought this was ‘the place’. It was CHIDYATAPU.

The 'unfailing??' plans

It’s not new, it’s not abnormal rather it’s a perfect case of blissful ignorance. However, the unique thing being that what we have chosen to ignore is ourselves. Now instead of making you go through the mental agony of guessing what I am talking about, I would straightaway come to my point. I am referring to that unfailing habit of making plans and resolving to follow them with all our conviction. However, every time in this battle of laziness versus doing the things that ‘matter’, laziness always takes the bait. Oh! You can’t ignore laziness when it comes dressed up as that sexy lady or handsome bloke (depending upon your preference ;). Sure, you are bound to fall prey to its treacherous trap.

Now, coming to my plans, I would say that the number of plans I made and broke has reached such a stage that it might as well feed the whole population of America! Where should I start my woes from? Those regular plans to study (usually the aftermath of horrible exams) or the incessant plans to meet up with school friends (read: reunion), or my little plans to cut my nails (after being scolded the nth time by my dad). And not to forget, my plan to buy that pen which I have been postponing for a week now!

It could be one of my favourite plans to finish my novel before exams start. Otherwise, I’ll have to reread it as usual. Those plans about not to waste too much money on phone calls or my daily plans to travel by bus (read: saving more than 100 bucks a day) or the weekend plans to go for a movie or those impossible plans of quitting orkut! The list is endless and still counting…

However, I’m not all that hopeless as you might think. Some of my plans do work though I can’t recall any at the moment. ;)

N oh! did I forget to mention that yesterday I ‘planned’ to update my blog?

PS: Procrastination is my sin. I know I must stop it. I will. But TOMORROW ;)

That same old feeling of...

When in night I see the stars,
their light seems to vanish the dark,
but i feel a scare in my heart
I don't know what triggers this fear...

When i see the sun in morn
its scorching heat falls on my palms
and it seems my throbbing heart would never calm.
I dont know what triggers this fear...

When in cold winter days
the wind blows over my face
i feel the chill
as if the wind is going to kill.
i dont know what triggers this fear...

When in hot summer days,
the loo hovers like a ghost
i feel that its hot trap would engulf my soul
i don't know what triggers this fear...

My dolorous heart, my sickening fear
for the day is near
when i would be killed by fear!

LIFE

Lets not think or pause

Lets not analyze

What this life is all about

Lets not prod or question

Lets not wonder

What this mystery is all about

Do we question the breeze that blows?

The water that flows?

The fruits that fall or

The trees that grow?

Then why question the life that goes?

Its music

Ssshhh…be quiet and listen

Did ya hear the harmonious tone?

It’s a river

Ah…carefully… do not drown

Learn to float

No matter how deep the water seems

Create life for its an empty canvas

Paint it with your vibrant colours

For life is not a problem to solve

But a mystery to resolve

Life is, but to live in the moment!

To let go off the past

“One by one the sands are flowing

One by one the moments fall

Some are coming some are going

Do not strive to grasp them all”

(quotation by A.A Proctor)